So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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