Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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