I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
