Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Randomize
