I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
