I'm gonna have a badass scar
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize