So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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