oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
