i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
