So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
