absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
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