I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
