So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
