Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
