Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
