I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
