i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
this beer tastes like vomit already
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
