i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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