I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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