Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
