areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
