Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
