Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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