We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
