Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
