Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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