If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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