You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
