I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
