I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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