i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
