take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
