His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
