We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
