uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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