Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You left your phone here
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