we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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