Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
