CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
