i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
