hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
