No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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