i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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