I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
