I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
