Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
