I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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