either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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