I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
