I am midnight drunk by noon
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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