Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
