R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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