If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
