maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
