Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
They have beer where we have blood.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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