If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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