I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
