When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
