Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
