I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
wow bdsm is so cute
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