question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
home. puking in laundry basket.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
