bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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