i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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