When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
