His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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