she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
