I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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