last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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