this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
