sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
