Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
