96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
