I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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