Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
