She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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